Learning

Thinking About

Learning about myself, who I am, where my life is going, what I want to be when I grow up. It seems important at this stage of my life to focus, find direction and determine my goals.  That's not easy for me. I've always lived one day at a time, letting things happen as they do, not planning beyond that which is necessary. Now, I want to plan my life, direct my ambition, and become the best person I can be.

     I'm learning that I've always been a vacillator, like a chameleon, I change with my surroundings. In many ways, I'm a pretender, fitting into the area around me, and going with the flow. I never like to make waves, cause dissension, even though I will argue for something I believe in, I never remain angry for long, and most of the time I can see and understand the other person's viewpoint.

     I'm a middle of the road, fence sitting, seeing each side, being on both sides, swaying back and forth, my vacillating attitude preventing me from making a decision that might cause dissension because then someone might not like me.

     Having people like me has been a strength and a weakness in my life. Caring what others think about me has been a nemesis. Frequently I hold back a differing opinion rather than have someone think less of me, or consider me a fool. I've learned that many people think someone having a difference of opinion is a fool.

     I'm learning that I don't have to be that way. I know I can change the way I am and become more assertive and have strong opinions. I also know that it isn't that important to me. Arguing my viewpoint and trying to make someone accept it, is not a big deal with me. I've learned that everyone comes to their opinions from differing perspectives, and one can be as right as another.

     Opinions are not dogma, they are thoughts, musings, and conclusions based on considerations. Yours can be as good as mine. It isn't my lot in life to change your mind. I can express my viewpoint for you to consider and listen to yours, giving it due consideration.

     That's an important lesson. One of many that I'm learning.