From one of my journals - 1986
Every religion is an expression of Divine Wisdom. I have been in pursuit to attain infinite wisdom and knowledge for many years.
Some of what I have pursued intellectually has been foreign to my environment and in some cases juxtaposed to the inherent religion of my conscious being. The inner call has never diminished, merely placed in a preserve in my sub-conscious to be re-claimed periodically as I would encounter philosophical natures pertinent to its programming.
This philosophy, which has lain somewhat dormant these past 32 years, had its inception during the summer of 1954 when I became acquainted with the writings of Emerson, Thoreau, and Emmanuel Kant. I was awakened to a form of a theosophical society, of which my religious upbringing was unaware.
It has been my sincere belief that we are placed on this earth for a specific purpose, and we all have a specific reason for being.
For countless years, I have anxiously searched for my ‘reason for being’, and the futility of that search in the society of my being was at times devastating!
There have been frequent times in my life when attunement to the cosmic consciousness was spiritually audible and I would be quickened by the pulse of an attitude descendent upon me. Unfortunately, there were no other beings of like intelligence in my sphere of existence, and through misguided fear of delving into the unknown, I retreated to the apparent security of basic Christian theology.
I have no quarrel with that theology, for it adheres to certain spiritual precepts that are of the divine order. I do question its limitedness and feel it falls short in the evolution of the cosmic life.
I believe our philosophies are made up of what we experience, what we study, and what we intuitively perceive.
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I do not recall the circumstances that brought about writing this. Maybe, as I dredge through journal pages, it will appear. I have copied it from an old lined binder sheet of paper written in red pen, and very splattered.
From my journal - 1987
I am standing on the precipice, arms outstretched, naked, having shed the garments of former religious convictions. I wait for the parting of the veil and suddenly I feel I wait in vain. There is only what I see, feel, hear and taste, and nothing more. I am bereaved, grieving for the cosmic consciousness I thought I was perceiving.
It all seemed true, that we all are one. The words of Jesus had become clearer, my studies of metaphysics made sense, and I rejoiced in the wisdom of the new age, that I was, and am the ultimate creator, the one unifying force that manifests itself in all things.
Whatever man can conceive mentally, he can bring into materialization. I believed it in theory, but when I tried to put it into practice, I found it was a sham, and now I am left in the barren wastelands of disbelief.
If I could only return to the God I cherished from youth, but that was a God of vengeance, punishment, and hell. That was a God created by man to control his peers, that was not the God of Jesus Christ. His God was a God of love, forgiveness, and understanding.
He said He had not come to change the law—
Therefore I say unto you——’do not stand on the mountaintop waiting for the answer from on high, the answer is within. This you already know, but you do not trust yourself, or believe in yourself. Your power is as mighty as any other. You must believe with every fiber of your being. Believe it, feel, feel, feel it and it shall be so. I speak to you truths undeniable by law, feel what has been written, it is your control.
Give up the god of your forefathers, give up the god that transcends all, the only God that is, is in you, you are GOD, the almighty spirit that always was and always will be. You are everything. Feel it, know it, believe it. Then retreat from the mountaintop, seek no longer for you need only to look within for, I AM THAT I AM.
The mind creates
The spirit dictates
The body generates
This is the only law that should be heeded. Receive the creation of the mind, listen to the dictation of the spirit, and generate that which is received, conceived,
February 1, 1987
I am convinced that the real me, the inner being has great depth, wisdom, and spiritual awareness. I have intensely avoided this recognition, denying the evidence of an intelligence beyond the human manifestation, but I realize that denial is shirking the responsibility of pursuing my destiny.
Like countless sages, seers, prophets, and philosophers from earliest times, I have known that there exists a deeper me, a more knowing me, but this knowledge was dissuaded. The acceptance of a nature other than the one personified was denied due to fear. That fear existed through many former incarnations, resulting from a physical death because of spiritual wisdom.
Since becoming aware of my inner spirit, sensing its awakening, and now utilizing its wisdom and creative abilities, I am overcoming those fears that foreshadowed my choice of each existence on the earth plane.
The Wisdom of the New Age is upon us, and this is the time to reveal all that has been learned, and perceived from countless stages of existence.
The most wonderful awareness is the nature of the ‘I AM’! Once perceived, first as a glimmer of light or knowledge, and then full-blown revelation, one cannot return to the former naivety of previous dogma.
Illumination creates rejuvenation of mind and spirit, as the reality of all existence becomes identified with the source.
In some instances, this illumination can be spiritual and/or physical. For me, it was intellectual without physical harmony or co-production. It came quietly, as an intellectual perception rather than an emotional conception. There was realization, hesitant denial, broader realization, culminating in abject fear of acceptance.
Who has the right to say “I AM”? Certainly not me. It was joyous and fearsome. I cried out for a physical manifestation, but none was received but the unveiling of truths beyond mortal definition.
The realization came slowly as I disentangled myself from preconceived beliefs. Fear of ridicule persisted, but that was not the main reason for denial or for delaying publication of “Wisdom of the Ages”, an intuitive philosophy perceived by me in l973. At the time of the nocturnal writings, I was totally unaware of the meanings of most of the words and all of the philosophy. After illumination, all became intelligible, and I knew the philosophy was intended for this age, but I feared to publish it.
How did I overcome this fear? By finding out its cause? Since finding my true nature, inner spirit, soul, whatever nomenclature one cares to christen it, I learned to put questions to it as well as objectives and tasks.
It has not failed to respond, not always immediately, but in time very clearly. So, I put the question of my fear to my 'inner being, my spirit, and about two days later while driving the car, the answer came to me very clearly.
“You were once a philosopher who lived in an early B.C. century and were put to death because your philosophy was considered heresy.”
As usual, I denied that this knowledge came from my 'inner being', my true self, but it persisted and I chose to accept the explanation. However, I did not rush to publish “Wisdom of the Ages”, accepting the human, procrastinating me. Still fearful, but aware that the time was coming and I would have to face the possibility of ridicule, rejection, or the awesome responsibility of acceptance.
My mortal world could be jeopardized. I could either fail miserably or succeed triumphantly. I have chosen to accept either situation. Those who have an ear will hear, and those who do not listen will be lost to the wisdom.
Update: June 2003
I’m still not really a believer in past lives. I don’t deny, nor accept it. I have presented these selected writings from my journal, perhaps in a manner of introducing the next segment, written in 1976.
Some call it 'automatic writing'. Some call it 'channeling'. I call it --
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